how to get your ex girlfriend back
Q: I’m 27; my girlfriend of three years and I broke up over my lack of commitment. My reasons: my parents’ bad marriage resulted in a decade-long bitter divorce, especially painful for my dad. I understand now that I was projecting the only marriage I ever knew onto my future, and it scared me.
We still talk regularly but this break seems final. She has been seeing someone else casually. I worry it could become serious. But I haven’t “pushed” to win her back, partly because I feel too guilty to interfere with her new-found happiness and partly because I think grovelling will destroy my chances.
I wasn’t a perfect boyfriend. However, I feel I’m a changed man and want to commit for life. I’ve told her some of this, but my waffling hurt her a great deal and I may have to accept that I don’t deserve her. Should I go after her?
Changed and Contrite
A: It’s not the grovelling that will turn her off, it’s the talk with no action. Go after her! Drop the introspective all-about-me stuff and tell her how you feel about her. Example: You want her in your life forever. If she’ll have you, she’ll be your number one priority.
You’re optimistic and have learned from your parents’ mistakes, rather than fear repeating them. Even if your ex isn’t willing to try again, you need to hold onto your resolve to be a “changed man” when it comes to relationships. No one’s going to stick around if you go back to hiding behind your parents’ divorce.
Q: I’m very close with my parents and love them dearly; whenever my sister calls my mother (once a month), she eventually starts yelling, insulting and humiliating her.
My mom has had many ailments but, unless they’re life-threatening, my sister thinks they’re trivial. Yet, after these phone calls, Mom experiences high blood pressure, insomnia, palpitations. She has asked my sister many times not to do this but my sister has issues with people telling her what to do, so repeats her behaviour.
My father is not confrontational and won’t get involved. My sister and I aren’t on speaking terms for many reasons. Do I get involved and tell her to stop verbally abusing our mother?
Angry and Frustrated
A: Get your mother’s doctor onside. Mom needs to hear from a health professional that she needs to defend herself from the dangerous health effects of verbal/emotional abuse. She must hang up.
Your father is being irresponsible in this nasty situation and should be the one to tell his daughter that if she continues her tirades, he doesn’t want her to call at all. You can tell Dad this directly; it would be helpful if you can get the doctor to also suggest that he speak up to protect his wife. Owing to the silence between you and your sister, your demands would likely only cause more anger, possibly more outbursts against your mother.
Q: My wife announced she’s a lesbian; eight months later, she has moved in with a lesbian lover. Our adult kids have been more or less accepting and I’m getting on with my life. But she hasn’t told her elderly mother and we’re all keeping “the secret.”
Is This Crazy?A: It’s personal, complicated and weird, but not crazy. If all of the immediate family can handle “the secret,” whereas you believe her mom cannot handle the truth, then it’s your family’s choice, no one else’s.
Tip of the Day When a breakup highlights your need to make changes, do so, whether or not you get back together.
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