Family torn by son’s infidelity and love
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DEAR CAROLYN: After 13 years of marriage and several children, my son found a girlfriend and now is getting a divorce.
My son has distanced himself from us, while my daughter-in-law calls for support and encouragement. Son rarely takes our calls and makes no effort to visit.
What do we do? Son is angry and makes veiled threats: “If you continue to see her, then …”
Solve this problem for us and we will write back and ask how we can accept the “other woman” into our home. Cheating is not acceptable. Is that the source of my problem? — F.
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No one likes being judged; adults chafe at being judged more than children do; and parental judgment stings more than judgment by strangers.
But as bad as things appear from the outside, and as well as you surely know your son, you’re still on the outside. You don’t know what went on in his marriage. So please factor the possibility of unknowns into the decisions you make.
Then start making those very difficult decisions, including how far you’ll go to back your daughter-in-law; whether you’ll welcome the “other woman” and, if so, how; and how to best serve the interests of your grandchildren.
Each of these hinges on the most important decision of all: whether you banish your son and his new love for their deplorable behavior, or bite your tongue and embrace them.
Whatever stand you do take, it is your right to — just as it was your son’s right to make the choices he made.
© 2009 Washington Post Writers Group 6/10
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wow, what an impossible situation to put parents in. its been two years, i wonder how things went for the family?