Marriage advice
Editorial note : If you need a complete system to get your ex back please visit http://www.makinguplove.com .
this story by Jane was inspired by hodu.com
1. Stop any argument cold in it’s track. Three little steps will turn almost any argument into a productive discussion in less than five minutes. FIRST say “I really want to have this conversation, but first, please excuse me I must go to the bathroom.” Interrupting the argument will give each of you a chance to cool down and collect your thoughts. SECOND If one the phone say “Excuse me for a moment, I have to handle a call on the other line.”If you are on a cell phone, break the connection in the middle of one of your own sentences. Call back a few minutes later and apologize for being cut off. THIRD Use your break time to think Decide what you really want to accomplish by turning the argument into a discussion. Get very clear about your own objectives. Return to the conversation, summarize the argument so far, and then ask politely what the other person wants the outcome of the conversation to be.
2. Regain the respect of your partner. Heal this pain that you feel. That, however, cannot happen until your partner can act to regain your trust and you can learn to trust again. The process of healing begins when you openly address your pain. This can be done by first writing down exactly what you feel: Your sadness for growing apart in the first place; your anger over his infidelity; your hurt over his concern for her, and what you took to be his lack of concern for you; your need to hear his apology; and your hope that the two of you can once again grow together in love. ( read more about this or about the authors book
Men 
Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus… John Gray
3. How to affair-proof your marriage.
4. Change your spouse’s behavior.
If you want to change your spouse’s behavior, change your own. Change #1 should be focusing on your own full plate of faults and forgetting your spouse’s. If you don’t, be sure your focus on his/her faults will draw attention read more
5. Improve your communications. Apparently some married people lose the ability to communicate so completely that droves of therapists and self-help books insist that they must learn and constantly rehearse elaborate techniques to understand each other. Communication in love relationships is a function of emotional connection. When people feel connected, they communicate fine, and when they feel disconnected they communicate poorly, regardless of their choice of words and communication techniques. People do not fight and stonewall for lack of communication techniques. They fight and shut down because they feel the like their partners don’t care or aren’t interested in how they feel. They fight and shut down to numb the pain of disconnection. Negative reactivity can be regulated into positive attunement only through interest and caring, i.e., one has to be interested in and show sympathy for the other. Interest and caring, like all emotional states, are conveyed primarily by facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice, not by words or communication techniques. You must convey that you will love and value your partner whether she/he agrees with you or not. Anything short of this devalues the connection – it’s not as important as what you want to talk about, thereby guaranteeing negative reactivity. (read more )
6. Avoid the # 1 problem in marriage. #1: Criticism
Common marriage problem #1, criticism, involves attacking someone’s personality rather than their behavior. Everyone has the right to complain. Airing a complaint, though rarely pleasant, is a healthy marital activity, and much healthier than suppressing the grievance. Criticism, on the other hand, entails blaming, making a personal attack or an accusation. Whereas complaints usually begin with the word I, criticisms begin with you. For example, “I wish we went out more than we do” is a complaint. “You never take me anywhere” is a criticism. Criticism is just a short hop beyond complaining. It may seem like splitting hairs to label it one of the four main common marriage problems, but receiving a criticism really does feel far worse than receiving a complaint. (read more )
7. Solve conflicts peacefully. The key point is that not only you must solve problems but do so in a peaceful, calm way so that your spouse feel like to have won. That’s call a win-win scenario and it’s the best way to reduce arguments and restore love. Doing so will not only dramatically boost your couples harmony quotient, but also improve your couple on the long run. And wouldn’t that be ever be a plus?
If you’re frustrated, confused and looking for help to improve or keep your marriage, you need to download this book. Please visit http://www.makinguplove.com
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